September vibes

 

Miss B came home for a visit for the last part of August, and went back over Labor Day weekend to start her third (!) year of university. (The cat does not approve of this arrangement.) DP’s semester got underway in mid-August, but Miss B's exit, plus changing the calendar to September, makes the back to school/impending fall vibes inescapable for me. The temperatures here have cooled off enough to leave the windows open during the day, and maybe even pull on a blanket at night. The other morning I woke up wondering why I didn’t have a comfortable chair in my room. So I pulled this one out of the basement, moved it upstairs, and embellished it with some me-made comforts. An instant life upgrade using what I had available; an ongoing encouragement to use limitations to spur creative problem solving, and to take regular breaks from the daily onslaught. 

Making things

Unquestionably frivolous—but also
a provider of great satisfaction and joy

“‘In a time of destruction, create something.’ To be creative is to push back, again and again, against despair, complacency, and cruelty.” - Maxine Hong Kingston, quoted by Maggie Smith in Creative Fuel by Ana Brones

When I started blogging nearly 17 years ago, it was to build a creative outlet for myself and to document my life as an American immigrant to Australia, experiencing life in a new, faraway country with my husband and then four-year-old daughter. At that point, my other primary creative outlet was cooking and baking—practical and satisfying, if ephemeral. 

Since then, my family and the blog have been through three more international moves, returning to the US seven years ago, into an era of political volatility that has only intensified. My own daily life is also much different: I’m now the mother of a young adult, attending university in another country; and my primary creative focus has shifted from food to fabric. I feel the desire to make things with my hands more than ever, but these days I get more satisfaction out of making things that are more enduring. I still love to make and eat good food, but I do it more on autopilot these days as I apply my brain to learn new skills using stitching. 

I’ve really struggled with blogging over the past few years, feeling as though talking about my life of relative privilege and freedom to focus on creative endeavors is tone-deaf and irresponsible in the face of the hardship and horror that so many people are experiencing every day. And how to navigate the fact that everything about food, about crafting, about domestic life, is simultaneously fundamentally political and an escape from politics. 

I find myself increasingly impatient with internet content that is purely focused on escape, that takes little or no notice of the realities that we in the US—and by extension the rest of the world—are currently navigating. Being able to focus on baking bread and stitching pillows is unquestionably a marker of privilege—and even more so than usual in this moment. And it can feel frivolous given the state of things. But I continue to think it is important. Every decision that I make about how and where I spend my money—and my time—is a political decision. And I feel strongly that putting my time and money and energy into endeavors that support local enterprises and communities over multinational corporations is political—and so is finding joy and self-actualization. There’s a hustle mentality component to activism along with everything else that appears on the internet; but that’s just another exhortation to set myself on fire to keep other people warm. I can’t change the world by myself, and I can’t work with other people if I’m too burned out and exhausted to leave the house. So I’m trying to embrace making things as resistance, and make time for them alongside more conventional resistance activities. I have been paralyzed by feeling I need to demonstrate that what I’m doing to live my values, or how I’m doing it, is ‘enough’ or ‘good enough’—but I’m going to try to continue to resist that idea as well, and re-integrate this blog among the things I make with my hands.

Graduation day

DP, Miss B, and I often joke that we’re “not a math family.” Words, rather than numbers, are our preferred medium, by a long way, to transmit information. So when DP suggested that I say a few words at Miss B’s graduation dinner, I was surprised to note that what kept coming into my mind were numbers. Those had more impact for me in capturing Miss B’s singular experience so far than any words I could corral onto paper. So here they are, documented for posterity.

26+3 Miss B’s gestational age when she made her unforeseen early entrance onto this plane of existence - at the very end of July, rather than her due date of early November.

590 That’s her birthweight, in grams; for those of you working in imperial, that’s 1 lb., 5 oz.

225 Days spent in hospital - about 7.5 months on the calendar, from the end of July 2004 to mid-march 2005.

When Miss B came home, her health was stable and her physical life and development became more typical in many ways (albeit on her own schedule). But her life experience continued to follow a road less traveled:

3 | 3 | 4 | 4 Miss B has lived in three countries on three continents, as well as in four US states. She also navigated four intercontinental moves between the ages of 3 and 13. 

(When we moved back to the US five years ago, I promised her that the next time she moved, it would be her decision. I’ve been able to keep that promise, and she has taken the decision to move again, to attend university. She will also be moving to her fourth country, but I’m grateful to say that she will be remaining on the same continent.)

10 | 7 In the course of all these moves, Miss B has also lived in 10 houses (or apartments), and attended seven schools - a metric that testifies to her resilience and adaptability.

For the final number that came to me, I tried to calculate the number of air miles that Miss B has logged. I gave up when I passed 100,000, and was not close to finishing.

Reflecting on these numbers brought me back to some words that I feel describe, at least somewhat adequately, the person she has always been and continues to become.

Intrepid

Creative

Curious

Passionate

Kind

Funny

Focused 

Brave

To Miss B: I offer you congratulations and admiration for all that you’ve learned and achieved as you complete this milestone and look to your next phase. I’m so glad that I’m your mother and riding this roller coaster with you. To me, you are first, last, and always - the mighty Miss B.

Work/life balance

I know that I have infinite company in feeling that the roller coaster of the last two years has thrown this balance off completely, that the mental load that work entails has expanded to encroach into every corner of brain space, with attending consequences for mental and physical health. Re-establishing boundaries, especially for myself, is an ongoing challenge and a necessary one. Here are some things that have helped recently with re-balancing the scales:

Getting out of the house and going somewhere different - in this case, London. After being entirely confined to the BosNYWash megalopolis for nearly 3 years, I got on a plane with my family and went to a different country altogether. We took Miss B to some of our favorite London spots and thoroughly enjoyed the change of scene. Oh, and we got to cheer DP on as he won an award in his field, which put a very nice finishing touch to the excursion.

Welcoming visitors - two of my sisters came to visit, also for the first time in nearly 3 years. It was such a refreshing change; we took a break from the regular routine to do touristy things with them, as well as making the most of the time together with lots of walking, chatting, and eating. We spotted this rainbow as we were lingering at the dinner table one evening - I doubt I'd have noticed if it if I'd been doing my usual daily round. 

Making time for hobbies - these breaks from the routine reminded me that I don't have to wait for other people or events to provide an opportunity to take some time to focus on things other than work. In addition to my usual food purchases at the farmers' market this weekend (including some spectacular strawberries, see above), I also picked up some tomato and herb plants to grow on the back deck - an addition to the daily routine that I hope will supplement both diet and quality of life. 

March roundup

March got away from me, so here are a few recent highlights:

I’m continuing to find new uses for my sourdough starter and this one is right up there: a recipe for nearly-instant crumpets, aka TrashCrumps, constructed mainly from starter and found on Instagram. Definitely a keeper.

We had a weekend in New York City mid-month where we visited friends and family, ate lots of good food, and walked a good chunk of Manhattan (21,000 steps in one day!). Our Saturday evening included taking Miss B most of the length of Central Park, including the reservoir.

I’ve been continuing to make snacking cakes, inspired by this book. Miss B’s recent favorite is a raspberry cake topped with a glaze made with icing sugar mixed with equal parts milk and blood orange juice. A good way to make the most of their short season.

Spring has come to northern Virginia and the flowers are blooming. I snapped this gorgeous camellia when it was all just beginning a couple of weeks ago.

And now it's time to jump into April. Hoping it brings good things to all.

15 minutes

My corner of northern Virginia has 15 more minutes of daylight today than we did last Sunday - a useful reminder of the impact that a seemingly small chunk of time can have. Particularly useful at a time of year when it’s hard to muster up the energy or motivation to do much of anything at all, and yet the list of things that needs to get done never seems to get any shorter. To say nothing of the list of things I’d like to make some time for as well, and the constant tug of war between those two categories. 

Allocating small chunks of time - 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 25 minutes, depending on the task at hand and the budget of daily time available - has been for many years the best strategy I have found to get pretty much anything done that needs doing, or that I want to be doing. It’s not an exaggeration to say that it’s the key to everything I’ve accomplished, certainly since I became a parent. 

I remembered another two benefits of this method this weekend: 

1. If you’re contemplating tackling a project that’s daunting in scope or duration, allocating a small, regular chunk of time to focus on it will enable you to deal with it in less-terrifying and more-manageable chunks, with gaps in between to mull your next steps. 

2. Even a 15-minute block of time is enough to get you well on the way to having some cake.

January snapshots

I feel a certain loyalty to January because it’s my birth month, but even I have to admit that it’s kind of a drag. It feels even more so than usual this year, probably because today, as my Timehop reminded me, is 2 years since the WHO declared coronavirus a “global health emergency”. 

This is at the top of a long list of reasons to be gloomy; but I know all too well that there’s little benefit to going down that road. So instead I’m digging deep and looking for reasons to be cheerful, or at least grateful, during this season of hibernation. Here are a couple of mine this weekend:

Minneolas - one of the highlights of my winter rotation; I keep an eye out for these and eat one a day as long as they’re in season. Seeing them in the supermarket before the end of January is a bonus.

Opportunistic cooking - I don’t have the discipline or the energy to do any significant prep cooking on the weekend, but I did take advantage of a free hour and some surplus vegetables in the fridge to do some chopping and roasting for use later in the week. And since the oven was already on, I mixed up a snacking cake while I was at it and chucked that in there too. 

Lights - yes, I know it’s almost February, but every weekend since New Year’s I think about taking these down and then I don’t. They turn on automatically at dusk every night and they still give me a little jolt of happiness every time.

Side note: that's all that's left from the small amount of snow we got from the mega-storm that hit the US east coast this weekend. Thinking of all my friends and family digging out up north, and hoping that wherever you are, you've got light, warmth, and good food.

35 weeks

Today marks 8 months of quarantine. School was initially canceled for Miss B on Friday, March 13th, and for me that marked the beginning of this interlude. Here we are at our second Friday the 13th of 2020, and pandemic-wise at least, things are worse today than the conditions that sent us all into lockdown back in the spring. And with no end in sight. Even with a coming change in presidential administration, I do not see a way that things are going to get measurably better in containing the spread for a long time to come.

Things haven’t changed much for us: we are all managing school or work from home. DP and I have been going to the gym during off-hours, although I suspect that may change again soon, and I go to the grocery store and the farmers’ market. Other than going out for walks or drives, and the occasional small outdoor social gathering, we have been hunkered down at home. Luckily Miss B and I are homebodies, and DP has adjusted reasonably well, so we're coping.

Day 235

Today's the day, friends. Time's up. Whatever else you do today, if you haven't already, please, please vote. Email me (roving lemon at yahoo.com) if you need information on where to go and I'll try to help you out. 

Today's the day. Let's go.

Home/away

Highlights from the past month of travel and everyday goings-on:

Away

I went to Cleveland for the first time for a conference. I didn't get to see much - it rained so hard most of the time I was there that I could barely see Lake Erie, the shore of which is about a quarter-mile from the conference center. I managed one outing - to the neighboring Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, for an enjoyable couple of hours. I had mostly unremarkable conference food, but this Italian restaurant near my hotel was a much-needed oasis - and so good I ate there twice in three nights.

From Cleveland I traveled onwards to Ireland, where I met up with DP and Miss B and some of my in-laws for a few days of jaunting around County Galway and environs. Lots of striking scenery, visits with the Irish cousins, and many, many cups of tea. The food high point was dinner our last night at this stupendous seafood restaurant.

And for the long holiday weekend just finished, we went up to Boston to hang out with our people there - lots of beach and pool time, hitting all our favorite local spots, and of course plenty of ice cream.


Home

Speaking of ice cream, I'm pretty pleased to have found a local ice cream shop to supply my summertime needs. On our last visit, I snapped this view from the terrace of the weather changing over downtown Fairfax, just after a massive summer storm had passed through.

DP has been traveling even more than I have - so much so that he spent his birthday back in Canberra. But we still managed to fit in a birthday party for him between trips - I made his traditional birthday dinner of classic steak au poivre, and tried out some new buttercream techniques on the cake (doubling the recipe here).

Last but not least: I don't think I can find a food link for this picture, unless you'll indulge me in agreeing that she is a cutie pie. But I had to include her, because I have way more pictures of her than of food on my phone over the last month.

Local exploring

Here's a quick recap of what I've been up to since my last post in early September:

Trying out the VRE station that's five minutes from our house for a day of commuting to meetings in DC - infinitely preferable to navigating traffic!

The VRE doesn't run on weekends, so the station does double duty as the home of our local farmers' market - great local produce and flowers.

Unpacking and renovating continue - at a slower pace now that we're nearing completion on both. Here's a shot of my very old slow cooker (a wedding present) cooking its first-ever batch of Disruptive Bolognese using a mix of farmers' market ground beef and turkey (a resounding hit!). In the background is the recently installed backsplash, the last major piece of work in the (now-complete) kitchen.

Thoroughly enjoying my first proper North American autumn in a very long time with some festive front-door decoration...

...as well as the view from our new window seat - Miss B and I agree this lamppost is like a bit of Narnia on our doorstep...

...and having this view a few steps from our front door is pretty nice too!

When we can tear ourselves away from nesting, we're enjoying having DC close by for fun as well as work - it's kind of amazing to see these iconic buildings pop up in the distance as you wander the city.

And, last but not least - a new recipe to share as I re-deploy a time-honored strategy suggested many years ago by my English friend E: "make friends with cake". In this instance a batch of cinnamon sugar scones, which I brought to share at a coffee morning recruiting parent volunteers at Miss B's new school. I met a few people, and signed myself up for a few things - another rootlet put forward into our new community.

Settling in

Purchased in Rome in June; first use this weekend 

How glad am I that it's this weekend and not last weekend? So glad, indescribably glad. But I'll try to describe anyway.

We've been in our new house since Wednesday. It's now definitely more house than construction zone, but the boxes everywhere, as well as construction tools scattered around, indicate that it's still in a state of transition. It's also situated three minutes' walk from a lake and three minutes' drive from a Target, which is a sweet spot I didn't even know I was looking for until I found it.

The three minutes to Target is proving especially handy at the moment, when we're making daily trips as we unpack and get organized and realize that we don't have enough hangers, or any sponges, or haven't found the pillows yet, or....you get the picture. On moving day I was there twice and DP went three times - an utterly unprecedented event in his experience. DP normally avoids commerce in all its forms, other than buying books at every opportunity.

His close encounter with the Target phenomenon produced a spontaneous observation Wednesday night of the who-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-my-real-husband variety: "Target really is great. I mean you can get absolutely anything there!"

(I suppressed all of the many, many inappropriate responses this suggested, and settled for a meaningfully neutral, "Yes, dear, I know.")

Meanwhile, Miss B started school on Tuesday. She's re-starting eighth grade because the Australian and US school years don't align, and the other option was having her miss half of eighth grade and jump into ninth grade. Everyone pertinent to the decision-making process agreed this was a terrible idea, and that the 10,000-mile move, cultural re-integration, and shift from a school with 850 girls to one with 4,000 girls and boys was quite enough challenges to be getting on with.

I think it's safe to say we were all feeling pretty nervous about this aspect of the transition, with anxiety levels ratcheting up slowly but surely over the month of August. I had chosen this school after a lot of research (and an in-person visit during a hectic week of school tours and house hunting back in April), and bought a house in the district on faith that I had made the right call. The closer we got to the First Day, the more I quietly fretted: What if I was wrong?

We were still in temporary accommodation on Tuesday, and we left the apartment shortly after 6:30 to make sure we had more than enough time to make the drive in early morning rush-hour traffic and be at school for 8:00. Miss B, normally a chatterbox, was almost entirely silent. When I reached the drop-off point at the main entrance, she looked at me and said, "Don't worry, Mum, I'll be okay. I can do it." Then she got out, squared her shoulders under her Tardis backpack, and marched into the building.

I made it to the Starbucks parking lot before I cried.

Pickup was in the same spot at 3:00. Miss B bounced into the car, and immediately said the following:

"I had a great first day! You made a good choice. You don't need to worry about me and school anymore."

And then proceeded to talk excitedly about her day, classes, teachers, new classmates, the entire way home, including a trip to the supermarket.

To say I was relieved and happy to hear this is a radical understatement. To have it confirmed by the rest of the week made every remaining hurdle shrink to inconsequential size. And now it's Sunday of the Labor Day long weekend - a milestone I've been working towards for months, when we'd be in the house, getting settled. It's nice to have it really be happening at last, and to be on this side of our 77-day transit.

I wish that everyone else could be having as peaceful a weekend as we are. I hope you are.

Next phase

View of the Potomac and Georgetown from the Key Bridge on a hot August afternoon

We are poised at the top of the roller coaster - that brief, interminable pause before the plunge. We've spent two and a half months in transit, and now we're on the threshold between this phase of the transition and the next one.

School starts tomorrow and Miss B, brave and resolute, will walk into a population of some 4,000 students, of whom she knows not one. On Wednesday, our shipment arrives from Canberra, and we begin the process of unpacking the boxes and settling ourselves into our new house and community.

As I write this, late on Monday night, I have a baseline hum of anxiety that flares up with every thought about any aspect of any of our futures. It's all unknown, and right now that's a little bit terrifying. We're stepping out of limbo and back into reality. I've been re-reading this BrainPickings post to remind myself that what I'm feeling is not only normal but universal, and trying to focus on the fundamental things to keep my perspective: we're together, we're healthy, and we've got a roof over our heads. From that foundation, we'll find a way.

Wish us luck: here we go.

Settling in

Chocolate-cherry birthday cake; flavor combo requested by the birthday girl (host family/friend turning 14) and executed by me using my mother's Chocolate-Chocolate Cake with a layer of cherry jam in the middle and fresh cherries on top

It's exactly one month today since we left Australia. It's a rainy Saturday afternoon and the temperature is in the mid-60s F, a welcome change from the pretty consistent 90F (30C) weather we've had since we got to the northern hemisphere, first in Italy and now here. The friends who have been kind enough to let us camp out in their in-law apartment are away for the weekend, so the house is quiet and empty apart from the three of us. And it's the first weekend day in a while with no commitments or major errands on the schedule, which feels like a luxury after everything that's been happening.

People keep asking me how the transition's going, and I list off all the things we've accomplished since we've arrived, which mostly involve acquiring things like cars and phones, or plugging ourselves into the local infrastructure: school registration, utility bills, library cards. All important, and necessary checklist items for getting everyday life up and running efficiently.

What feels more important to me, though, is the less tangible accrual of local knowledge that I am compiling, starting more or less from zero, and which I need to make me know that this is a place I am going to live. How to navigate the VRE/Metro journey that will allow me to get into DC without driving. Which of the local supermarket chains I am most likely to shop at regularly. If the ice-cream shop in our new town is a worthy local stand-in for the best ice-cream shop of all (last night's first visit was a promising start). Where our local post office is.

We've also had the chance to catch up with lots of friends and family already, and there's plenty more on the schedule; DC is definitely more of a destination for my personal network than Canberra, as well as being much closer to where lots of my key people are based. All of that helps me feel as though I'm re-integrating pieces of my life which have felt fragmented for a very long time.

We're still somewhat in limbo: our household goods are making their way across the Pacific Ocean, and our new house is in the throes of renovation. We've probably got another month before any of that changes. So we're not fully transplanted yet. But I feel like I'm starting to settle in, and to look around for where to put a root or two.