Day 330

Sorry I went quiet there for a bit; most of January felt like walking through a dark tunnel of anxiety. January 6 was a realization of so many things I’d been worrying and catastrophizing about for the past 4+ years. I watched in rage and horror as an insurrectionist mob stormed the US Capitol building. They climbed walls, broke windows, looted offices, defaced public property, and threatened the safety of every single person in the building. They wandered around the building for hours, brandishing Confederate flags, taking selfies, and displaying their total, malicious disrespect for the home of American government and the greatest symbol of our constitutional democracy. 

They did all of this with apparent ease and little visible opposition from the law enforcement and security agencies that are normally on display at any event in Washington, DC. For anyone who witnessed the highly visible law enforcement presence on display and bristling with gear and weaponry in Washington DC and across the US during last summer’s Black Lives Matter protests, the security forces in place appeared unprepared and even vulnerable - a stark contrast and one that raises unavoidable questions about the people in each group and how they and the possible threats they pose are viewed by our law enforcement and homeland security agencies. 

So I’ve been feeling anxious - how could this serious threat have been so poorly evaluated and planned for? And angry - how can this toxic white privilege be so visible to some of us, while others claim not to understand what we are talking about? And despair - how can this country move forward in any meaningful way when our society is so divided that we are effectively living in two different realities? And dislocation - how can we even think about moving forward with anything at all until we have addressed what really happened on January 6, and what it means for our country? 

I spent most of January cycling through these emotions, and periodically having to force myself to step away from doomscrolling the internet and social media in order to try to focus on even the most mundane business of daily life. And since I know about my own capability to take any negative development from its present state to a post-apocalyptic hellscape in 10 seconds or less, I have been trying to return to first principles - in particular a lesson learned from an important figure of my childhood, Mr. Rogers: “Look for the helpers.”

So I have been looking for the helpers: the regular people who have stepped up and displayed courage and dedication in this unprecedented situation. The quick-thinking Congressional staffers who secured the Electoral College certificates to keep them safe from the marauding insurrectionists. The Capitol Police who risked or suffered injury or death attempting to protect our seat of government, in some cases in full knowledge that they were facing other police officers in the mob, in a betrayal of the famous code of solidarity among “brothers in blue”. And the scores of internet detectives scouring and documenting the online evidence to assist in the investigation and bring these seditious criminals to justice. 

Those examples help me to think about how I can help too: sharing evidence-based information. Making donations to organizations working to provide ongoing aid (World Central Kitchen | local food banks) and to uncover the pernicious agendas fueling this assault on our democracy (SPLC). Reaching out to my Congressional representatives (find your representative) about what I think should happen next. Calling this what it is and not letting it be minimized. Voting with my dollars to support, or boycott, companies in line with my principles who have spoken out about this - or remained silent.   

It doesn’t feel like enough. It feels, as so many things have for so long, like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. But maybe if enough of us do it, it’s enough to turn the tide. More of us voted in November to change things than voted to keep the status quo. The Inauguration proceeding safely and calmly on January 20 helped a lot, as did seeing how it showcased so much of what is to be celebrated about the United States. Seeing the new administration re-establishing standards of appropriate and accountable conduct and practice has also made a difference.

Things are not “back to normal” in the US - whatever that even means. We have a lot of work to do in this country. But I’m feeling more hopeful than I have for some time that we might have both the wherewithal and the will to make some real progress in 2021.