First day

Recipe for a Successful Memorable Bearable First Day of School

1 excited six-year-old child
2 apprehensive parents
1 giant bag of school supplies
1 elementary school
1 experienced kindergarten teacher
2 outfits
12-20 pages of information
1 pen
1 lunchbox
1 envelope
40 cents
1 backpack
1 healthy breakfast
1 sprinkling maternal tears (optional)

For best results, begin preparing this recipe the night before.


Child, parents, and giant bag proceed to Open House at elementary school. Deposit contents of bag with teacher, who will do an excellent job of 1) making child feel welcome and enthusiastic about the next day, 2) advising parents on any number of issues, and 3) accomplishing all this while doing the same for a dozen other child/parent groups.

Return child and parents to home. Prepare one of two First Day of School outfits, then wash child carefully. Place child in bed to marinate in anticipation of the morrow. (There is no need to rotate the child’s position, as significant tossing and turning is likely to occur before settling.) Sort through pages, using pen to add dollops of information as required. Firmly pack lunchbox with sandwich and fruit requested by child. Fill envelope with change. Stuff backpack with relevant pages, lunchbox and filled envelope and set aside. Place parents in bed at a reasonable hour, trying to ensure that apprehension is not overflowing.

In the morning, roll child out of bed and into prepared outfit. Pat child’s and parents’ clothing and hair into presentable shape. Attempt to scoop hearty breakfast into child. Combine child, backpack, and parents for trip to school, allowing extra time for last-minute agitation.

Arrive at school. Decant child into care of waiting teacher. Stand back and observe as child proceeds with confidence into classroom. Reserve maternal tears until child is no longer visible.

Serves 1 school-age family.